DONNA

My primary diagnosis was in June 2017. I was shocked but after getting a new job teaching PE and hitting the gym for the previous 3yrs, I felt I was the fittest I’d been in years and was in good health otherwise.

Although shocked, I honestly never felt scared that it was going to take my life, I was more concerned about how my 4 children would cope although I was confident we would get through this 'blip' and get on with our lives. I had a left side mastectomy and full lymph node clearance followed my 6 rounds of chemotherapy. I got used to my bald head and worked on getting back to work and getting on with life. I fought for the following year to remove my right breast and after a switch of consultants, I eventually got my surgery in July 2018. After having my implants the following Feb I thought right, box ticked and I could draw a line under that chapter.

Almost 4 years to the day in June 2021 I got my secondary diagnosis. Now I actually am scared!. I had a small sore I thought was an abscess just below my arm pit on my left side. Stupidly I ignored it for a while as I didn't know it could be anything sinister, especially as I had undergone a full mastectomy and all my lymph nodes out on the left side. It did however turn out to be breast cancer. I actually laughed when they told me. How can I have breast cancer again when I've got no 'real' breast?...well apparently I still had 3% breast tissue! I never knew this!. I underwent 3 different surgeries as no sooner as they cut it out from one area it bobbed up in another. My consultant described me like a game of whack a mole . Unfortunately now, the cancer had also spread to my spine.
I struggled this time so much more than the first time. 'What will happen to my kids if I die', 'how am I going to pay my mortgage if I can't work', will I get to meet my grandchildren.....these were now real fears. I was told I had 2.5yrs at max before the cancer is likely to spread further. Although I told my consultant that I would see them one Sat here in 5yrs, deep down I was scared and putting on a front. Admittedly I behaved erratically after that. Selling my house to buy one that I could afford without a mortgage so my kids would always have a home, booking numerous holidays to make memories with them all....
I am now almost 3yrs on from my shock secondary diagnosis but I am no longer scared. I'm on palbaciclib and letrozole tablets and goserlin as well as denusamab injections and have regular scans. I feel well in myself and genuinely am enjoying life. It took me a while to get used to the new version of me but I got there and now I am too busy enjoying life to take any notice of time scales or statistics.